One thing that I continually struggle with is living in this world but not being “of this world.” Part of me wants to pull up roots with my little family and transplant us to the middle of nowhere – isolation from most everyone and most everything but the eyes of God. Life in the middle of nowhere could be more difficult in terms of inconveniences, lack of luxuries, and loneliness. On the other hand, it would be ever so much easier to stay focused on God and family – in that order. I really think that I could embrace the simplicity of life in semi-isolation. I like people very much, but I think I’d be o.k with being alone much of the time.
Everytime I take the kids on retreat at the Teresian convent situated on several acres on the outskirts of town, I think, “I so could have lived this life.” I hang out there as long as possible soaking in the silence and the beauty – until my real vocation in this life calls me to go home.
I know that generations past have surely had their shared of heartache and difficulty – war and sacrifice. Still, I believe that 2015 must be the most difficult time in history to raise children. There is so much vying for (an often winning) their attention – their souls. It’s enough to keep a parent permanently on his/her knees. However, as adults, we have our own noise, distractions, chaos and evil trying to pull us away. It’s wicked.
For my family, I don’t think it would be right for us to “run away” in an effort to shield ourselves from outside forces – in order to achieve peace. For some families, this may be just what God wants them to do. I believe that the Lord wants my family to live in the thick of things – to try (with His help) to bring others to Christ – to share Christ’s light with a weary world. Sometimes, I become discouraged and weary myself, and that idea of flight over fight takes hold once again.
What is the answer? In order to be a good disciple, it takes discipline. Discipline means doing what is right or good even (and especially when) you don’t feel like it. I don’t even like the word, “discipline.” I’m more of a creative spirit – led very much by my heart. Sometimes that works to accomplish God’s Will, and sometimes He needs me to do what I don’t feel like doing in order that His Will be done. Gosh! It’s so hard!
All that I know is that His love makes it all worth it. He is the pearl of great price that is worth selling everything or giving everything up for. I would love to love God in a manner that is not lazy, fickle or ruled by emotion. I want to love Him as St. Therese’ or St. Gemma loved Him. I guess I should just love Him as Dana loves Him.
I had a dream last night. In the dream I saw Jesus in a room filled with people who were talking to Him and demanding His attention. I waited patiently, though eagerly. I wanted to ask Him if He knew how much I loved Him, but could not get a word in edgewise. At the moment that the thought crossed my mind, He looked at me through the crowd (as though He had read my mind) and said, “I Do know.” I melted! I felt so loved and so grateful.
He knows that I’m trying. He knows my heart! He knows your heart. Oh my goodness, can you imagine what we could do for Him if we could remain united with Him in mind and in spirit – if we truly loved Him as we should? That is the challenge of living in this world but not of the world. Lifting all of my fellow travelers on this precarious journey up in prayer! Hang in there. Stay strong…and when you fall, remember these words from scripture :
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”