Again, it’s been awhile since I’ve written. I try only to post things that are positive and upbeat. Given what has been swirling around in my life lately, I haven’t felt very “upbeat.” I have good days of trust, hope and optimism, and bad days of anxiety, despair and pessimism. I’ve decided to share, so that (perhaps) I might give someone else in a similar “hiccup” in life some hope – an understanding friend for the journey.
One more paycheck, and that’s it. We’re also down to one car. The 2003 will cost more to fix than its value. My husband continues to drive it though it won’t start half of the time and the other half it bucks so that he cannot accelerate. Still, my sweet husband has not found a new employer. In my experience (and we’ve been through this twice before!), God always provides. I beat up on myself for my moments of panic, because I say that I trust in the Lord, and yet I feel like Peter upon the stormy sea. Jesus calls out, “It is I. Take courage. Do not be afraid.” I step out onto the water with courage in my Jesus, then I drop my eyes from Him for just a second. I panic, and begin to sink. “Help me!” I call out, and He kindly, patiently reaches out His hand to me again and again.
One truth that I try to remind myself of several times a day is that our bosses are not the providers. Sure our paychecks have our employers names on them, but God is the sole provider for our family. He has promised to care for and provide for those who are faithful to Him. I suppose that I am a lousy servant in the faithfulness department, because my confidence peaks and wanes from hour to hour sometimes. Still, I keep coming back to Him chanting, “Sacred Heart of Jesus, I trust in You.” I’m hoping that counts for something. When we live the truth that God loves us and cares for us, we can’t be anxious: “Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!” Luke 12:27-28
One thing that has been our stronghold lately throughout this time of uncertainty, has been family prayer. We’ve been saying a novena nightly. It’s funny, my youngest has taken this on personally. He reminds us each evening, and loves to lead it. The faith and trust of the young is beautiful and inspiring!
The Lord is going to turn this test into a testimony, and I can’t wait to shout that testimony from the hilltops. (You know I will!) Think of all of the tests that He has turned into testimonies in your life. I know that He is planning and “sewing” something beautiful on the tapestry of our lives. We just can’t see the other side of the artwork yet – only the side with the knots! God is Good.